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The Black Woman’s Guide to Dating: Part I

You Don't Have to Settle

By Jack Dickens • June 13, 2008
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Before I begin, I hereby make a plea for the clemency of my fellow men for what I am about to divulge.

The Problem

The problem with black women is that they are aware of their superiority, as a group, to black men.  Consider the plight of the single woman.  She is in the unenviable condition of having to choose between perpetual singularity, and pairing with the imbecilic ass that is the young black man.  She may even find herself in tacit agreement to share him with other women, while sharing her home, car, and credit cards with him.  You may inquire how this happens.  To answer, let’s play a simple dating game. 

The Game

Grant me the presumption that the objective of most single persons is to find that one ideal life partner. This is presumptive because black women know that many black men aren’t looking for just one. Let us further presume that the players in this game are rational.  This is also presumptive.  Men, you know what I mean.  Let’s go back to the game.  In this game, pairing off into a couple is akin to winning a cash prize.  The money is then to be split by the couple.  Failing to pair off means you receive nothing.  We are interested here in the dynamics of the split when money is won.

Let’s us begin by playing the game with two men and two women.  Since both genders are in equal supply, it is easy to see that the money will be split evenly 50/50 by each couple.  Everyone will want to pair off as that is the only way to leave the game with any winnings.  Also, anyone who wants more than his fair share risks walking away with nothing.  His partner would refuse or defect to another partner who offers a better deal.  Knowing this, both partners will settle on an even split. 

Now let’s see what happens if we replay the game with one of the men disqualified.  As a motivator for this scenario, consider that among black undergraduate college students, women outnumber men two-to-one.  http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/national/20blackmen.html

Our game is now being played by two women and one man.  If the man splits the winnings evenly with the first woman, then the second woman, being rational, will offer him a better deal so as not to leave the game empty-handed. She may, for instance, request only 40% of the take.  What will the first woman do in response?  So as not to leave the game with nothing, she will offer him an even better deal; maybe by requesting only 30% of the winnings.  This pattern will repeat until both women are willing to accept almost-but not quite-nothing in order to avert the possibility of leaving empty handed.  They may even decide that it is better to share a relationship rather than have none at all.  If this is beginning to sound familiar to some of our readers, it is because this is situation in which many black women find themselves in America today. (See Tim Harford “The Logic of Life”)

The Reality

Like societal illegal immigrants, many women find themselves on the other side of 30 without papers; the only remaining path to legitimacy being through a hasty marriage.  Often they are further burdened by young children who make the imperative to find a husband even more pressing, while simultaneously reducing the pool of eligible, or interested, men.  While this situation is not unfamiliar to unmarried career women of all stripes, the situation is more acute for unmarried black women.

First, there are simply fewer black men of high education and concomitant stature than there are black women.  While we dismiss the patently false, hyperbolic claim that there are more black men in prison than in college, we still find that among college undergraduates, black women outnumber black men two to one (as described in our game), and more than half of inner city black men do not finish even high school. 
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/2007/10/young_black_males_headed_for_e_1.html

Second, black men are aware of the shortage of their kind, and naturally look to find ways to exploit this scarcity value by negotiating better deals than they would normally deserve.  Some men will suck at the motherly teat of a successful black woman until they are sated, at which point they often abandon the woman like an overfed tick jumping off a dog. Others, rakes, cads, players will juggle multiple women, never committing to any one, and never marrying, while enjoying companionship and intimacy at will.

Solutions

What is a frustrated woman to do?

The solution lies, as it usually does, in a clear restatement of the problem.  To wit, while the black woman may be superior to the black man in accomplishment, she is inferior in numerosity.  To level the playing field, she must elevate her perceived value to match her opponent.  She must, in short, become a bitch.

When she inwardly yearns for a man to make her a mother and a housewife, she must steel herself to appear tough, independent, cold; a tundra of icy resolve.  When she desperately wants to give him her all, she must offer him nothing.  She must traverse the space between confidence and braggadocio, fail to return calls, turn down dates, withhold affection, and ration intimacy.  She must tease her inamorato to within a hair of cruelty.  After all, this is what skillful men do.  Remember, if you let him drive your car, or use your credit card, God help you! The jig is up.

This conspired contumacy has immediate psychic benefits.  Taking control is revitalizing to one’s self-esteem.  A woman who treats men badly has no reason to expect many suitors, and thus she has a ready rationale for her solitude.  She is immune to rejection; she has, in fact, preempted it thus her ego remains unscathed.  On the other hand, each suitor she gains in this context will be confirmation of the power of her allure to outshine her refractory behavior.

A woman who regularly abuses men will find that, paradoxically, the value of her affection increases in the eyes of her victims.  Men who are treated well by her will feel privileged to be safely on the blunt side of her blade.  This will bind them more tightly to her.  The astute reader will no doubt have derived that, for this method to be effective, a woman must sometimes dole a nugget of kindness and charm as a necessary corollary to the regular dispensation of abuse.  It is well known that the more expensive the wine, the better it tastes, even when it is the same cheap shitty wine.  The cognitive error exploited here is the one that associates increased cost with increased value.  This accretive effect has a long and regal history in the employ of men in positions of power.  (See Machiavelli “Il Principe”)

This brings me to a third important benefit: the selection effect.  Weaklings and saps need not apply.  Women want strong men, and strong men are not intimidated by strong women.  On the contrary, they are attracted to strength.  Remember, first-class people seek out other first-class people; second-class people seek third-class people so as not to feel threatened.  A woman with acerbic wit is thus armed with what is known in the colloquial lexicon as a “shit-test”.  If you are a shit, you fail.

A final unexpected benefit is that a woman wielding this tool will have much better sex.  Men love conquest.  And fucking a prickly bitch hard is the ultimate conquest.  The implication is clear: if you want hot sex, treat men like shit.

One caveat, the bluff must not be overdone. A woman who is too harsh runs the risk of attracting only losers if high quality men find her entry fee too high.  They do, after all, have many options.  Supplicants on the other hand, actively seek abuse to legitimize their low self-esteem.  Keep in mind that there is a cottage industry of budding pick-up artists who play macho to attract strong women.  Simply put, beware the lemons (See Akerlof 1970).

Happy hunting ladies!  Use these methods judiciously and you will be happy indeed.

Postscript:
Next week I’ll describe how to classify men and identify them by their markings

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